How To Deal With A Break Up You Don’t Want
The most asked question of all the ones I get concerns how to deal with a break up you don’t want. It’s all very well splitting from your ex when you both think your relationship has run its course, but when it’s a break up you don’t want it’s different.
Most common mistakes occur when people mess up in relationships and find themselves dumped. Knowing what those mistakes can be will be of use to you, especially if you regard your ex as ‘the one’ and you want to get back with him or her. One step to getting back on the right path is to take expert advice. Much of what I have found to be true came from Ashley Kay’s “Ex Recovery System”, widely regarded as the best advice on breaking up there is. (Take a look, if you want, by clicking here. Please take the time to tell me what you think by adding a comment to this article).
Avoid Begging
Begging for forgiveness is a person’s first instinct when you think you’ve done something wrong, especially if it’s led to the break up. But, no matter how much guilt you feel, try and avoid the temptation to throw yourself at your ex’s mercy. Looking like you are desperate is not a good idea in this situation. It is important that your ex wants you back and a desperate, begging person is not someone at their most attractive! Relationships are based on mutual respect.
Don’t Be A Doormat
It is important that your ex respects you. If you think that making yourself look pathetic and agreeing to anything will get your ex back, you are deceiving yourself. If anything, it can have the opposite effect. Getting back with your ex will take time and it will work better if there is mutual respect on both sides.
One thing to avoid is going on a drinking binge. Alcohol will not help in any way and, as it is a depressive, will only serve to highlight any misery you are feeling. One important piece of advice you MUST take heed of is this: if you do go out drinking, do not take your phone along with you and do not attempt to contact your ex when you are drunk. More break ups become final after a drunken conversation than will ever be healed. No matter what you may think at the time, you can never think logically after drinking (or taking any kind of drug, whether prescribed or not).
Make Yourself Look Desirable To Your Ex
At this point, you really want to make an impression on your ex, and so as much as you can, make yourself look good. The different types of scenarios, which contribute to break ups make the most appealing factor to the ex vary. So if you looked scruffy before, you might want to style up a bit, just so it seems that you are maturing; likewise, if your were a narcissist, you might want to play it down a bit.
How To Deal With A Break-Up Advice: Let Go Of Your Pride
Think about this. Do you really, really want your ex back? If so, you will have to let go of your pride and tell them exactly how you feel. It is important that you do not humiliate yourself in the process, as we have already shown, this would not help. In order for you and your ex to be able to see whether you can get back together or not, it is important that both of you know exactly how the other is feeling.
Do not expect an instant response. Dealing with a split is something that will take time and it is important that you realise that. There is no point in rushing your ex into any kind of answer. This just will not work.
Spontaneous and flamboyant acts of kindness and generosity may help you express your point in a way you’d want to, but it is essential that your motives are seen as being totally sincere. You have to be very patient because trust doesn’t heal itself in a fee minutes: it takes time.
I am not so much an expert as an “enthusiastic amateur”. If you are sincerely wanting to know how to deal with a break up, you might want to see what a genuine relationship expert says. If so, please visit “common sense expert” Ashely Kay’s website at www.exrecoverysystem.com. With her track record, you’ll practically be back in each other’s arms by tea-time tomorrow!
How To Deal With A Break Up
“How to deal with a break up?” is one of the most asked questions when it comes to relationship advice. You can either decide to fogey your ex entirely (often easier said than done!) or take the longer view. There are always two sides to a break up: the person who did the breaking up and the one who is dumped. (I know the word “dumped” is negative but that’s deliberate: we need to be 100% realistic). If it’s you did the dumping, it should be relatively easy to get over the split and I’d be surprised if you’d be asking for advice on how to deal with a break up, so we’ll assume you were the one who was dumped.
The first thing is say is that you should give yourself a few days before you do anything. OK, you may feel devastated now – that’s only natural – but in a little while you may well feel different about the break up. People who get dumped immediately feel as if their whole world has been ripped away from them, but after a few days, things can look very different.
Break Up Tip #1: Ask Yourself, “Could It Be A Blessing In Disguise?”
Being rejected is never easy. That’s a given. But think about who is doing the rejecting. Ask yourself if your ex is really such a great judge of character and as great a catch as they think they are. Maybe they’ve done you a favor by initiating the split?
Perhaps you and your ex weren’t really suited together. Be honest and ask yourself: “Can I see myself with my ex in 10 years if the break up hadn’t happened?” Be 100% honest with yourself. There’s a chance you’ll answer a big fat yes (in which case, read on…), but it’s possible the two of you were not such a great couple after all. What do your friends and family think? It’s possible that they may be right and you may be wrong… They may know how to deal with a break up better than you. Ask them.
The first thing is say is that you should give yourself a few days before you do anything. OK, you may feel devastated now – that’s only natural – but in a little while you may well feel different about the break up. People who get dumped immediately feel as if their whole world has been ripped away from them, but after a few days, things can look and feel very different.
Break Up Tip #2: Think Through The Facts
After a few days, have a think about what led to the break up. Consider all the reasons the two of you broke up. Even if it might look as though there wasn’t a good reason, if you dig deep enough you’ll maybe come up with several good reasons why the two of you came apart. Try and look at it from your ex’s point of view. Remember, it takes two people to begin a relationship, but only one to end it.
Don’t blame yourself for the split, no matter what your ex says. For example, someone who has an affair often says that it was the other person’s fault because they nagged them or didn’t give them enough love in the home… Maybe that’s what they feel, but you should only feel responsible for actions you took, not for other people’s reactions to what you may or may not have done. You are a good person: remember that.
Break Up Tip #3: Don’t Crowd Yourself
Give yourself room to get over the relationship. The last thing you should be doing is contacting your ex for at least a week (probably a whole load more time), even if you agreed to stay friends. Give yourself a chance to feel what it feels like to be apart from your ex. There’s a good chance you might like being away from them.
Break Up Tip #4: Talk To Your Friends
Talking to friends can help can help, if only to help you work things out in your own mind. Just make sure it doesn’t turn into a rant or a tearful crying session – that won’t help anybody. Don’t approach your friends until you feel that you can talk fairly rationally.
There are two levels of “friend” to consider here. How deep do you want to go? With general friends you might only want to go so far. For the deeper, emotional stuff, pick someone you are close to and who you respect. If you can talk honestly to a parent or to an older brother or sister, that would be ideal. If not, is there a close friend (of either sex) you can trust?
Consider confiding in a work colleague, provided that he or she have shown willingness to help you in personal matters. Be aware that you are especially vulnerable at times like this and that you may be more open to romantic or sexual advances. Beware of being caught “on the bounce”, as it’s called.
Check out our other articles for more advice on how to deal with a break up.
Welcome To How To Deal With A Break-Up dot net
Welcome To How To Deal With A Break-Up dot net. This website will be full of great relationship advice and help, answering questions such as “How To Get Over A Break Up” and “How To Deal With Break Ups”.
